Thursday, August 13, 2009

High school will not carry on and Second year goals of consistency.

High school will not carry on and Second year goals of consistency.

When I started my weight loss journey nearly a year ago my starting weight was 320 pounds. I am currently about to start my second year of college, and I'm happy to report I'm 60 pounds lighter. Currently, I weigh 260 pounds. 60 pounds gone forever. Now don't get me wrong 60 pounds is wonderful. However, I know in my heart I could have done better then that. Losing weight for me has always been a constant struggle as it may be for everyone. In high school I was always the fat girl in class. I never had very many good friends. I never allowed myself to get close to very many people. In high school, I also wore a girdle. My sister seen me use the tight fitting suit everyday just to look a little tighter, a little better, a little smaller. I set the example that this girdle was amazing, but it wasn't. I never went to prom. For fear of looking fat in a dress. For fear of if I could even find a dress I liked and fit me properly. No one asked me to prom, and I didn't want to go alone. I never went to any of the social events high school would put on. Especially non-formal dances. I went to a couple in junior high, but I remember getting laughed at because I was a "fat girl dancing." I completely and totally isolated myself from my high school life. I didn't make very many friends because I lacked the confidence to just speak up and introduce myself. I didn't bring out the side of my personality that I knew would win them over. The outgoing side of me that is brought out when I am surrounded by my family and close friends. My close friends are my friends because they were not afraid to talk to me first. Not afraid to get to know the fat shy girl. I often wonder how different my high school life would have been had I not been so closed off. Had I not been so afraid of rejection. Had I not been so worried about my weight.

My first year at college was like high school all over again. I didn't talk to very many people. I closed myself off from my room mates. I didn't try to make friends. I didn't go to many social events. Why do I do this to myself? I know I can make friends. I know I can lose weight. I know I can have confidence. I know all of this. My first year at college had one slight difference from high school. The determination to lose weight. I want to lose my weight more than anything in this world. I beat the old "Freshmen 15" saying. I lost 60 pounds, even with all the tempting food that surrounded me everyday at the cafeteria. I didn't have home cooked meals and that made it a lot more difficult. No nutrition facts. I would have to make an educated guess on how many calories was in everything that I was consuming. It wasn't always easy. Some days I would do perfect. Some days I would seriously slack in the food and the exercise departments.

I can't and won't do this to myself again. Now is the time to get more serious than I ever have been. I want to really kick it up. Really challenge myself to do the best I can. I need to remix the mix tapes in my head as my daddy would say. His Day 327 really hit me hard. I teared up while reading it, because it really hit home. The words in his old mix tape are exactly what is playing in my head over and over again every time I try to push harder. My mix tapes are seriously working against me. It is a constant struggle for me to stay in the right mind set. The harder I try the more my head tells me I can't do this. My attitude needs to seriously change. My motivation has increased a lot since being home this summer with my family. I really need that boost of motivation. That boost of support. Over the summer I lost 20 pounds. It wasn't the number I was looking for, but I won't let it get me down because I know I can do better than that. This second year of college gives me a feeling of "I can do this." I will stay consistent. Consistency is my biggest problem. I need to stay consistent in my efforts. I can't do great one day and then slack off the next. Yeah, I have lost weight like this. But, I could have lost a lot more by now. Consistency is really going to amp up my results, and I am excited to take it to the next level of success. I have the support of my family. They are behind me all the way. I know it is difficult not being with them psychically, but knowing that they are cheering for me everyday makes me want to hold on and be strong for them. I'm ready to get a tight grip on this journey and push it faster in the direction I know it's going.

I believe this blog is going to help me. I have never really been good at keeping a daily journal or anything of the sort. But I am going to try and update this when I have the time between class, homework, part-time job, and working out. I'm excited to share journey with all of you. My goal weight for right now is 160. Once I get there then I will decide if I want to go smaller. Like my dad says "Whatever feels good." He is so right. I can't even express how proud of him I really am. I am so proud of my family. We are all going to be at our healthy weights in no time. The future is looking amazing. We will accomplish our goals, and feel better than ever.

I'm losing the weight for the sake of my life. A life full of things I have only imagined. The transformation has already started, and the future is bright. I'm dropping it like it's hot.


Grab a hold of your goals, and eliminate your doubts. Then you'll have the reality you've always wanted.


-Amber

21 comments:

  1. Words cannot describe how proud I am of you. Losing the weight you've lost has already been a tremendous accomplishment, you know that, but it absolutely thrills my heart to read your words of change. You know you're capable of doing anything you decide. Anything. And your decision here to start blogging and to kick it onto another level will quickly propel you to an even greater transformation that changes everything for the better. You're beautiful, you're smart, you're compassionate, you're honest and sincere. You my dear daughter are an amazing person. This is a very happy night for me--your success and what it will do for you on many different levels means more to me than anything. You girls are my world.
    You understand that you being away at school was a major reason for me to start my blog in the first place. I felt horrible about the example I set your entire childhood...I taught you how to be obese, I taught you how to have a low self-esteem, I taught you to lack confidence...I guess I should say "we" instead of "I"---it was certainly a partnership of bad examples. When I started blogging, I dreamed you would read every night in your dorm room. My blog could communicate ideas and emotions that might be tough to say and much easier to understand by reading. It would be like I was reaching out and grabbing your hand---showing you the way. Day 327 was hands down the most important blog posting I've ever written. It moved me in a dramatic way. Words do not exist to describe the elation in my heart when I read here that it also profoundly effected you.
    I love you my dear Amber and I'm always here---always available and ready to help. Don't you ever hesitate to call. That's what I'm here for.

    So incredibly proud,
    Dad

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  2. Amber ..Your dad pointed me to your blog I do hope you don't mind...I have seen photos of you on Dad's blog and you are beautiful...but after reading your blog I see you are beautiful inside and outside.
    DO NOT let anybody define who you are esp by there comments... I understand how hard and sad your school years were but you have a new life...Make some friends gorgeous girl and show them how beautiful you are inside and out.....I am inspired by the amount of weight you have lost....You can do ANYTHING you put your mind too..
    Take care and I will be watching this blog
    :-)




    www.kathiejourney.com

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  3. 60lbs is a major achievement and doing that while away at college is doubly amazing!

    I am with Kathy - you are beautiful and will achieve your goals, I can tell.

    Good luck and happy blogging!

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  4. Amber you are an amazing girl! Thank you for sharing your journey with us. I blog because it helps hold me accountable and I hope that some of what I say might help someone else. You are already an inspiration! You reminded me of why I am doing this. I'm going to grab a hold of my goals and eliminate my doubts!

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  5. 60 lbs is an awesome loss and the ball is still rolling downhill :)
    You have the right attitude and will get to where you want to be, i have no doubt!!
    Great first post.

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  6. I didn't blog at first. But I do now, and I can see a difference in my drive to succeed. I am truly feeling like this is possible now, and I have to say that I think blogging has helped me realize that. It's a way to be honest with yourself about some things. A way to take what you are feeling and make it more understandable; for yourself and those reading your blog.

    I believe that you can and will do this. Just keep going, everyday. Despite what yesterday was like, make today a new day.
    x's and o'x,
    Rachel

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  7. Amber, I found your blog through your dad's blog. Your dad has inpired me to take my weight loss seriously and I am really thankful that he has chosen to share his journey with us. You are blessed to have such an amazing family, I know that you can reach your goals with the incredible support system that you have around you. I can relate to your high school experience on so many levels and I am glad to see that you are determined to make your college years better than your high school years. You have a great start having lost 60 pounds! I saw your pictures on you dad's blog and you are indeed a very beautiful girl, my wife and I were shocked at the before and after pictures for everyone in your family. Keep on keepin' on and you will reach your goals...take care.

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  8. I really enjoyed reading your first post. It's exciting to me to be here at the start of your blogging. I do think it will make a difference for you.

    You are doing so great with your weight loss, 60 lbs is terrific. Don't feel like it's not enough. Something to remember is this is a life long journey. This is about what we can maintain for the rest of our lives. I think every day on the journey gives us more time to fix the inside as well as the outside. Give yourself credit for every lb gone. The self love is the hardest part I think. But I can see you realize that you have all the power, that you can do anything you put your mind to. I think it's so great too that you, your dad, mom and sister are all doing this together. Hope your second year of college is miles above the first.

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  9. because of who your parents are and the way you were brought up, you will meet your desires. You have in your corner what so many young adults don't have, a loving famley who will take the time out of their life and give it to you. I will be following your progress as I do your dads. This is from your dads dad, love ya.

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  10. College can be a lot of fun. I'm really glad that you are ready to get out there and make friends and participate in your life. Losing weight is great, but the confidence you seem to have now seems even better!

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  11. You're doing great. You have all the tools you need to lose weight and keep it off forever. Welcome to the blogosphere!

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  12. I'm so glad you started a blog. I have taken so much inspiration from your dad, and now your mom, and now you. You are a terrific family and I'm thrilled to read your thoughts.

    Congrats on your 60! Celebrate that, it's a wonderful success! You are going to continue to rock it, and achieve your desires.

    My goal is 162, close to yours, but I also say that it's not my goal--I'll know my good weight when I get there.

    I look forward to supporting you on your journey!

    Go Amber!!!

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  13. I see you have your mother's amazing eyes....just gorgeous. :)

    High was hell for me too, due to my lack of choice to lose the weight before it really got ridiculous. My highest point was 340 lbs. I remember thinking after I passed the 300 mark that I was screwed for life. It was too late. That was the point of no return and I'd never be able to lose it in an entire lifetime. Thank God in Heaven I was wrong.

    All it takes is the right mental attitude, perseverance and CONSISTENCY. It's not easy, but it IS that simple. I can see you've got all of those things and I'm so glad. We'll lose this weight together girlfriend and become the gorgeous girls that have been tucked away deep inside for far too long. I'm with you all the way!! :)

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  14. Wow, 3 Anderson bloggers. . . what a great way for you and your family to connect while you are at school.

    One thing I love about your dad's blog that I've modeled is how it posts his accomplishments for a single day, then moves on.

    That kind of thinking has helped me in the past. . .success or failure one day is THAT day. . .NEXT!

    The same thing is true about weigh in's. Once you weigh in, that one's past. . . so you don't need to keep thinking about it. You only need to think about today.

    You are going in the right direction, that is the most important thing, not how fast you get there. Mixing a new tape is the first step, then you have to learn all the lyrics and still be able to recognize the first notes when the songs are played out of order.

    Appreciate each of your every single positive little steps. . . log them as successes! You are clearly a winner.

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  15. Congrats on your new blog! I think its wonderful how all of you have been losing as a family. Losing it while you are younger is a smart thing. I unfortunately have lost and regained literally hundreds of pounds, and now, at 38, its MUCH harder to lose this time, which is why it has to be the last time. Break that cycle now and keep it off for good! I know all of you will!

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  16. 60 pounds is hard! 60 pounds while changing everything you've ever known and going away to college! Just about impossible! I for one am inspired! Here is to the best year of school yet!

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  17. AWWWW ambee baby mommas sweet bundle of joy, I love you soooo very much!!! I wrote you a long post last night and a poem, but then the mouse and keyboard went out just as ii was ready to post so hooked up the other one to it, but then had to restart the computer so lost it all....I was so mad...

    your words baby down here on this page, your heart open for the world to see, your saddness in the way that you have felt for sooo way to long bvrings tears to my eyes...mixed emotions really tears because I know you cried doing this, but tears because you are and pure joy becausse I know by you doing this you will not stop, baby girl you WILL do this, you CAN do this and that makes me soooo happy, my heart is overjoyed.....

    I know it has been tough when you are away, trying to count calories without any nutrition facts that isnt easy, its hard enough when you know what they are and eat them anyway...lol The workouts that you have to do alone, but YOU can be your best friend or YOUR worst enemy...I know I to have to do alot of things on my own because of my HORRIBLE schedule....but baby girl, it is only a day away...BELIEVE it HOLD it GRASP it CHERISH it and dont ever let it go, and all you want will happen!!

    60lbs baby is a great start!! You havent done horrible with all things considered...Hold your head up high and keep your eye on that prize..which baby the PRIZE is you...Love for yourself and healing deep seeded wounds that you have!!

    I love you baby Mom is sooo very proud of you for you for all that you are and all that you do!! You are my amazing beautiful smart daughter who I will always love no matter what and who i want to see love herself,have confidence and believe in yourself you are so special, so precious to me you know that you and nay mean more to me then the air i breath...put yourself first baby just want you to go through this life full of complete confidence, courage,and determentation to know that YOU can be ANYTHING your heart desires...


    LOVE YOU SO MUCH AMBEE!!!
    WE CAN DO THIS! WE WILL BE HERE FOR YOU EVERY STEP OF THE WAY!!!
    YOU WILL DO IT BABY!!

    FOR YOU

    If you try, you may fail,
    But if you dont then you will;

    If you go the extra mile you may not make it,
    But if dont then you wont;

    If you love with all your heart you may still be alone;
    But if you dont you will;

    If you dream big they may not all come true,
    But if you dont they wont;

    I love you ambee girl all my heart and all my soul...with everything I am!!

    love you baby
    momma girl....

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  18. Amber, welcome to the blogging world! Your family has really been an inspiration to me. Thanks for your words of wisdom about being consistent - I'm struggling this week and that's just what I needed to hear!

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  19. Welcome to blogging, 60lbs is a great achievement. You will go far! Keep up the good work, and try to enjoy this year in college, the best years are the ones you make the best!

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  20. This stuff is good to be dealing with NOW... I am still working through stuff from my early twenties because it was between the first hundred pounds I gained, and the second hundred (24-27). It is painful to look back and see what you missed out on in high school, BUT nothing compares to the excitement that happens once you get out on your own (even beyond college). THAT is what you don't want to miss out on!! I think you will get there...

    Be excited for sixty pounds, because by the time you get to next year... you will be SO close to your goals- not to bad to be going into your junior year in your new body??

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