Good numbers and Moving in more on Monday
I first want to just say that I sincerely appreciate everyone's care, concern, and helpful comments for last night's blog. Thank you. I will be going to the Doctor as soon as I can, hopefully Monday.
Today I told my boyfriend's parents about my scary ordeal last night in the shower. My boyfriend's mother Tracy immediately called her sister-in-law to see if she had a blood pressure monitor. Luckily, she did have one and brought it over. I also had my blood sugar checked by my boyfriend's dad. Kenny was recently diagnosed with Diabetes, so he had a blood sugar monitor on hand. Both readings resulted in perfect numbers. So I'm really wondering why the episode happened. I will be going to a doctor on Monday for a more in depth check-up. My mother has feared for a while that I might be Anemic. Hopefully on Monday I can be examined to determine whether or not I am Anemic. I'm praying that it isn't something serious.
Today I woke up bright and early. I heading to moving in day at the dorms. I got my key to my room hoping my room mate would not be there just yet. I wanted to be the first to get there so I could choose my side of the room. The room is set up where the bed closest to the door only has one plug in, and it is by the built in desk. On the other side there are two plug ins. One by the built in desk and one by the air unit, which is where I put my TV last year. Of course I wanted the side of the room with two plug ins. It just makes it easier. I have a lot of things to plug in. Plus the room is the same room I had last year, and I got very comfortable with the far side of the room. My boyfriend, KL helped me empty my car full of stuff today at the dorm rooms. What a WORKOUT! KL and I were completely soaked with sweat, and in need of some water once it was over with. The whole time we were going up the elevator with our hands full, taking things up to my room and then coming down the stairs back down to my car to get more stuff. I kept hoping I would run in to my room mate. I was so excited to be the confident girl that I know is inside of me. I wanted to introduce myself, and begin to start easing the awkwardness of living in a room with someone you don't know, because believe me it is soooo awkward especially if you don't try and make the effort to talk to one other. Which is what I did with my first room mate last year. SOOO I was excited to start getting to know her TODAY! But I guess I can wait until Monday. Blahhhh.
My parents are coming tomorrow! I can't wait to see them. It feels like it's been a long time since I have seen them, even though it's only been a week. I think I just need to start adjusting again to being back at school without Mom, Dad, and Sissy around. It's strange because sometimes I feel like I'm not supposed to be 19 going on 20. Where did my teen years go? I suppose all adults look back and say that at some point in their lives. I guess it is just still weird to me being in this important transition in my life. The transition of being independent, and being on my own. Wow, that derailed to a depressing note. Sorry! Anyways! My parents will be here tomorrow. Courtney isn't coming because she can't miss Monday at school, this breaks my heart. I have really grown close to my sister these last couple of years. When I left home last Sunday, she just started crying while hugging me goodbye. I really really really wish she was coming to stay the night too, because I won't see her for about a month! I hate that! I am very excited my parents will be here though, because I will not be able to see them again until a break comes around.
My parents and I are going to be up bright and early Monday morning. I have to see about getting into the doctor office and we are heading up to the college campus to finish more paper work that the school still needs for me, get a new ID photo, and move the rest of my stuff up to my room. I'm hoping to see my room mate Monday. Then my parents will be able to meet her too. It will be good. Looking forward to it!
If you want to create something new,
You must take action and be something new.
-Amber
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Friday, August 14, 2009
Black out scare and Move in day at the dorms bright and early
Black out scare and Move in day at the dorms bright and early
Tonight was scary. The evening started out just like a lazy night. I ate dinner with my boyfriend's mom, Tracy as the two of us watched the movie Son In-Law. After the movie Tracy decided to get on the computer a little bit before she went to bed, so I decided to take a shower before coming to write my blog. I felt fine. Everything was fine. I grabbed my clothes and a clean towel and headed for the bathroom. The shower is a small in-closed area with a glass door. I was in there a while on the account that I wanted to shave my legs. After I finished shaving and washing I then began to shampoo my hair. While using the shampoo I felt really light headed and dizzy. Then what happened next really scared me. I was seeing black dots. The black dots started to intensify and I soon became very short of breath. I was having trouble breathing, and I could barely see in front of me because the black dots were getting worse by the second. It quickly clicked in my head that I needed to do something or I was going to pass out in the shower. I opened the big glass door and felt the cool outside air of the bathroom on my face, but I still couldn't catch my breath. I then sat on the toilet and wrapped the clean towel around myself. I felt very sick to my stomach and the black dots had not improved. I just knew I was having a black out. I have had them before but it has been a very long time. The last time I had one I was in the 8th grade, I was having a panic attack at school in my keyboarding class. I remember running out of the classroom to get some air and almost falling down two flights of stairs. The school had called my mom, and I went to the ER. I had almost blacked out in the doctors office while the nurse was checking my blood pressure. She had to stop checking it because I was seeing the same black dots I seen tonight and I almost passed out. Once she was able to check my blood pressure, it was through the roof. Anyways, so I am in the bathroom and I can't really seem to catch my breath. I just sat there with shampoo in my hair trying to breath slowing in and out. I was almost to the point of tears. My boyfriend's dad, Kenny was awake in the next room, and I was just about to yell at him to tell him that there was seriously something wrong, when finally my vision was improving. I opened the bathroom door just a crack to get some air into the room. I started breathing normal again and wasn't dizzy any longer. The whole episode lasted about 5 minutes. I don't know what the deal was. I don't know if it was because of shaving my legs while having to stand up in the small shower and bend down constantly to shave, or maybe the small area of the shower. I don't know because I have never had that happen in the shower EVER. I am hoping it was something simple and not serious. I'm a little tired from the whole thing...I feel very weak right now. If anyone knows what it may be please comment and let me know.
The big MOVE-IN day at my dorms is tomorrow morning at 9:00am. That is why the blog is being cut short tonight because I need to get to bed! One thing is for sure about tomorrow though...when I meet my new room mate, I'm not going to hold back. I'm not going to be closed off and shy. I am going to introduce myself and be as outgoing as I possibly can! I'm going to bring out my confidence that I know is in me! Who knows maybe she will become a good friend.
A big THANK YOU to everyone who read and commented my first blog post yesterday! It really made my day today! To have a big support system is amazing. WE can all reach our goals! We have to just all keep on keeping on and we will make it!
You may procrastinate, but just remember that time does not! The present is a great time to change the rest of our lives!
-Amber
Tonight was scary. The evening started out just like a lazy night. I ate dinner with my boyfriend's mom, Tracy as the two of us watched the movie Son In-Law. After the movie Tracy decided to get on the computer a little bit before she went to bed, so I decided to take a shower before coming to write my blog. I felt fine. Everything was fine. I grabbed my clothes and a clean towel and headed for the bathroom. The shower is a small in-closed area with a glass door. I was in there a while on the account that I wanted to shave my legs. After I finished shaving and washing I then began to shampoo my hair. While using the shampoo I felt really light headed and dizzy. Then what happened next really scared me. I was seeing black dots. The black dots started to intensify and I soon became very short of breath. I was having trouble breathing, and I could barely see in front of me because the black dots were getting worse by the second. It quickly clicked in my head that I needed to do something or I was going to pass out in the shower. I opened the big glass door and felt the cool outside air of the bathroom on my face, but I still couldn't catch my breath. I then sat on the toilet and wrapped the clean towel around myself. I felt very sick to my stomach and the black dots had not improved. I just knew I was having a black out. I have had them before but it has been a very long time. The last time I had one I was in the 8th grade, I was having a panic attack at school in my keyboarding class. I remember running out of the classroom to get some air and almost falling down two flights of stairs. The school had called my mom, and I went to the ER. I had almost blacked out in the doctors office while the nurse was checking my blood pressure. She had to stop checking it because I was seeing the same black dots I seen tonight and I almost passed out. Once she was able to check my blood pressure, it was through the roof. Anyways, so I am in the bathroom and I can't really seem to catch my breath. I just sat there with shampoo in my hair trying to breath slowing in and out. I was almost to the point of tears. My boyfriend's dad, Kenny was awake in the next room, and I was just about to yell at him to tell him that there was seriously something wrong, when finally my vision was improving. I opened the bathroom door just a crack to get some air into the room. I started breathing normal again and wasn't dizzy any longer. The whole episode lasted about 5 minutes. I don't know what the deal was. I don't know if it was because of shaving my legs while having to stand up in the small shower and bend down constantly to shave, or maybe the small area of the shower. I don't know because I have never had that happen in the shower EVER. I am hoping it was something simple and not serious. I'm a little tired from the whole thing...I feel very weak right now. If anyone knows what it may be please comment and let me know.
The big MOVE-IN day at my dorms is tomorrow morning at 9:00am. That is why the blog is being cut short tonight because I need to get to bed! One thing is for sure about tomorrow though...when I meet my new room mate, I'm not going to hold back. I'm not going to be closed off and shy. I am going to introduce myself and be as outgoing as I possibly can! I'm going to bring out my confidence that I know is in me! Who knows maybe she will become a good friend.
A big THANK YOU to everyone who read and commented my first blog post yesterday! It really made my day today! To have a big support system is amazing. WE can all reach our goals! We have to just all keep on keeping on and we will make it!
You may procrastinate, but just remember that time does not! The present is a great time to change the rest of our lives!
-Amber
Thursday, August 13, 2009
High school will not carry on and Second year goals of consistency.
High school will not carry on and Second year goals of consistency.
When I started my weight loss journey nearly a year ago my starting weight was 320 pounds. I am currently about to start my second year of college, and I'm happy to report I'm 60 pounds lighter. Currently, I weigh 260 pounds. 60 pounds gone forever. Now don't get me wrong 60 pounds is wonderful. However, I know in my heart I could have done better then that. Losing weight for me has always been a constant struggle as it may be for everyone. In high school I was always the fat girl in class. I never had very many good friends. I never allowed myself to get close to very many people. In high school, I also wore a girdle. My sister seen me use the tight fitting suit everyday just to look a little tighter, a little better, a little smaller. I set the example that this girdle was amazing, but it wasn't. I never went to prom. For fear of looking fat in a dress. For fear of if I could even find a dress I liked and fit me properly. No one asked me to prom, and I didn't want to go alone. I never went to any of the social events high school would put on. Especially non-formal dances. I went to a couple in junior high, but I remember getting laughed at because I was a "fat girl dancing." I completely and totally isolated myself from my high school life. I didn't make very many friends because I lacked the confidence to just speak up and introduce myself. I didn't bring out the side of my personality that I knew would win them over. The outgoing side of me that is brought out when I am surrounded by my family and close friends. My close friends are my friends because they were not afraid to talk to me first. Not afraid to get to know the fat shy girl. I often wonder how different my high school life would have been had I not been so closed off. Had I not been so afraid of rejection. Had I not been so worried about my weight.
My first year at college was like high school all over again. I didn't talk to very many people. I closed myself off from my room mates. I didn't try to make friends. I didn't go to many social events. Why do I do this to myself? I know I can make friends. I know I can lose weight. I know I can have confidence. I know all of this. My first year at college had one slight difference from high school. The determination to lose weight. I want to lose my weight more than anything in this world. I beat the old "Freshmen 15" saying. I lost 60 pounds, even with all the tempting food that surrounded me everyday at the cafeteria. I didn't have home cooked meals and that made it a lot more difficult. No nutrition facts. I would have to make an educated guess on how many calories was in everything that I was consuming. It wasn't always easy. Some days I would do perfect. Some days I would seriously slack in the food and the exercise departments.
I can't and won't do this to myself again. Now is the time to get more serious than I ever have been. I want to really kick it up. Really challenge myself to do the best I can. I need to remix the mix tapes in my head as my daddy would say. His Day 327 really hit me hard. I teared up while reading it, because it really hit home. The words in his old mix tape are exactly what is playing in my head over and over again every time I try to push harder. My mix tapes are seriously working against me. It is a constant struggle for me to stay in the right mind set. The harder I try the more my head tells me I can't do this. My attitude needs to seriously change. My motivation has increased a lot since being home this summer with my family. I really need that boost of motivation. That boost of support. Over the summer I lost 20 pounds. It wasn't the number I was looking for, but I won't let it get me down because I know I can do better than that. This second year of college gives me a feeling of "I can do this." I will stay consistent. Consistency is my biggest problem. I need to stay consistent in my efforts. I can't do great one day and then slack off the next. Yeah, I have lost weight like this. But, I could have lost a lot more by now. Consistency is really going to amp up my results, and I am excited to take it to the next level of success. I have the support of my family. They are behind me all the way. I know it is difficult not being with them psychically, but knowing that they are cheering for me everyday makes me want to hold on and be strong for them. I'm ready to get a tight grip on this journey and push it faster in the direction I know it's going.
I believe this blog is going to help me. I have never really been good at keeping a daily journal or anything of the sort. But I am going to try and update this when I have the time between class, homework, part-time job, and working out. I'm excited to share journey with all of you. My goal weight for right now is 160. Once I get there then I will decide if I want to go smaller. Like my dad says "Whatever feels good." He is so right. I can't even express how proud of him I really am. I am so proud of my family. We are all going to be at our healthy weights in no time. The future is looking amazing. We will accomplish our goals, and feel better than ever.
I'm losing the weight for the sake of my life. A life full of things I have only imagined. The transformation has already started, and the future is bright. I'm dropping it like it's hot.
Grab a hold of your goals, and eliminate your doubts. Then you'll have the reality you've always wanted.
-Amber
My first year at college was like high school all over again. I didn't talk to very many people. I closed myself off from my room mates. I didn't try to make friends. I didn't go to many social events. Why do I do this to myself? I know I can make friends. I know I can lose weight. I know I can have confidence. I know all of this. My first year at college had one slight difference from high school. The determination to lose weight. I want to lose my weight more than anything in this world. I beat the old "Freshmen 15" saying. I lost 60 pounds, even with all the tempting food that surrounded me everyday at the cafeteria. I didn't have home cooked meals and that made it a lot more difficult. No nutrition facts. I would have to make an educated guess on how many calories was in everything that I was consuming. It wasn't always easy. Some days I would do perfect. Some days I would seriously slack in the food and the exercise departments.
I can't and won't do this to myself again. Now is the time to get more serious than I ever have been. I want to really kick it up. Really challenge myself to do the best I can. I need to remix the mix tapes in my head as my daddy would say. His Day 327 really hit me hard. I teared up while reading it, because it really hit home. The words in his old mix tape are exactly what is playing in my head over and over again every time I try to push harder. My mix tapes are seriously working against me. It is a constant struggle for me to stay in the right mind set. The harder I try the more my head tells me I can't do this. My attitude needs to seriously change. My motivation has increased a lot since being home this summer with my family. I really need that boost of motivation. That boost of support. Over the summer I lost 20 pounds. It wasn't the number I was looking for, but I won't let it get me down because I know I can do better than that. This second year of college gives me a feeling of "I can do this." I will stay consistent. Consistency is my biggest problem. I need to stay consistent in my efforts. I can't do great one day and then slack off the next. Yeah, I have lost weight like this. But, I could have lost a lot more by now. Consistency is really going to amp up my results, and I am excited to take it to the next level of success. I have the support of my family. They are behind me all the way. I know it is difficult not being with them psychically, but knowing that they are cheering for me everyday makes me want to hold on and be strong for them. I'm ready to get a tight grip on this journey and push it faster in the direction I know it's going.
I believe this blog is going to help me. I have never really been good at keeping a daily journal or anything of the sort. But I am going to try and update this when I have the time between class, homework, part-time job, and working out. I'm excited to share journey with all of you. My goal weight for right now is 160. Once I get there then I will decide if I want to go smaller. Like my dad says "Whatever feels good." He is so right. I can't even express how proud of him I really am. I am so proud of my family. We are all going to be at our healthy weights in no time. The future is looking amazing. We will accomplish our goals, and feel better than ever.
I'm losing the weight for the sake of my life. A life full of things I have only imagined. The transformation has already started, and the future is bright. I'm dropping it like it's hot.
Grab a hold of your goals, and eliminate your doubts. Then you'll have the reality you've always wanted.
-Amber
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